What is there to write about anymore? There are plenty of things I could write about but it bores me. Job, friends, family, money, pessimism accompanied by optimism - but that only happens in my life of course, my "problems" and the lack of ... lacking things in my life. You can only take so much, as a reader and a writer, of those things because after all, you all are human beings as well and you all have your own take-time-out-of-the-day-to-write-about-this-particular-problem/achievement/ache/pain/milestone-esque thing to write about. You miss people, you love people. You wish someone would come back and hold you one last time. You wish someone would disappear from your life. You have the greatest time of your life. You're finally happy. You've finally hit that rock bottom.
You all know how it goes.
So why should I waste my time manufacturing phrases to encompass these thoughts when it's going to be a broken record?
What if you wrote about the things that didn't happen; the things that you WISH would happen? No one ever talks about that stuff. That's just stuff that you talk to yourself about. No one has the balls to talk about that stuff, or admit that they talk to themselves. It's an envied idea: to think, no. To KNOW someone has the things that you wish for. Wishing is such a harmless thing to do but deep down inside, you know it breaks your heart when it doesn't come true. So why do we still do it? Why can't we just let the chips fall as they may? And who knows, if we don't count on something happening, when (and if) it really does happen, we'll just be as happy as a clam as opposed to wishing for said thing to happen, and when it does happen you let out a false exclamation: "I never expected this!" But you're too happy to realize that you're a filthy liar because when you wish, you expect.
Take a chance; don't wish on things. Don't even say the phrase, "I wish ..." because it's that much better when it doesn't happen. And the amount of excitement when it really does happen is overwhelming.
Here are a few things I want more than anything (*notice: I didn't say wish but that phrase is just as bad) to try to put into words:
There are a few things that I can't seem to correctly put into words. I can try but it never really happens the way I want it to. It's sort of like when a first name and middle name is supposed to roll off your tongue and sometimes it's totally botched and it hardly makes it out of your mouth let alone roll off the muscle that sometimes gets you in trouble. Like when that part of your favorite song comes on and it just lets you .. breathe. Or when you get let down by someone you never thought would do that to you. Or that first breath of spring air. Or total comfort.
This is what people talk about on a constant basis. This is what I was trying to avoid.
Perhaps the people who speak their minds are only supposed to talk about these things over and over. That's what ties us all together. But if that's the only thing we can talk about, how do we mature and grow? I REFUSE TO ONLY TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS.
I want to find someone who will break this barrier and branch out and talk about something else, write about something else, sing about something else, ANYTHING.
"Words are but the vague shadows of the volumes we mean. Little audible links, they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes. " -Theodore Dreiser
That contradicts everything aforementioned. Does that mean I am not a writer? Have I failed before I even began? If that's the underlying melody these words are hiding, then I am not surprised. I fail too often to expect to succeed.
Sometimes I prefer to remain silent. Silence leads to twice as many words that will go onto a paper. Spoken words expire. Silence is underrated.